I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
