How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
