The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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