bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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