do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
