there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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