im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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