You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
