oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
