I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
