I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dick very happy bro
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
