i would punch a child for taco bell
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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