dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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