Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
