laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
