The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
