I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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