Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
