You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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