We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
