My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
