His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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