when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
