Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
