So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
