I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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