Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
