U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had sex on a roof
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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