i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
