you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Two words: nipple clamps
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