I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
