oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
