As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
