fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
