What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I deserve this hangover.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
