hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
