Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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