He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
