I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
