IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The best revenge is premature balding
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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