Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
