I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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