i jhust puked up my retainher.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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