i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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