who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am one with the molecules
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
