Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
