I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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