cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
