dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
