Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
