My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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