how can u be prego again
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
