I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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