We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
