I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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