We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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